April 28, 2023 6:19 pm

Dive into the episode as I discuss performance anxiety. I'll be discussing its impact on your ability to perform at your best, particularly during a sexual encounter.

I will discuss strategies and treatments that can help you manage and overcome this type of anxiety. I will also provide valuable insights and practical tips to help you overcome this common issue.

So tune in to learn more about overcoming performance anxiety and living a more fulfilling life.

Episode Video

Understanding Performance Anxiety

man having performance anxiety

Performance anxiety, also known as "stage fright" or "performance nerves," is a type of anxiety that occurs when you feel intense fear or worry about performing well in front of others or meeting high expectations.

While some level of anxiety can be helpful in keeping us alert and focused. Excessive performance anxiety can have a debilitating effect on your ability to perform at your best, particularly in the bedroom.

Because the brain is a larger sexual organ, the brain and the penis has to be relaxed in order for you to get an erection.

Performance anxiety can manifest in various ways. Physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, nausea, and difficulty breathing. As well as mental and emotional symptoms such as negative self-talk, feelings of inadequacy, and intense fear of failure.

Strategies and Treatments to Manage and Overcome Performance Anxiety

Now that you have a better understanding of performance anxiety, let's discuss some strategies and treatments that can help you manage and overcome it.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought pattern. It can be particularly helpful in addressing the root cause of your performance anxiety, such as unrealistic expectation, perfectionism, and negative self talk.

Also, in order for you to do CBT, you should work with your therapist.

Mindfulness and Meditation


Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you develop greater self-awareness. It will also teach you to stay present in the moment, reducing the impact of anxious thoughts and feelings.

Mindfulness just mean you just start recognizing the symptoms of performance anxiety.

Deep Breathing Exercises

Deep, controlled breathing can help you calm your nervous system and reduce the physical symptoms of performance anxiety. Practice deep breathing exercises regularly to build this skill and make it more effective when you need it most.

I'm also a big proponent of box breathing. Here’s how you do it:

  1. Hold for a count of four.
  2. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four. Make sure that you bring out your stomach when you do it, your belly button goes out, doing a diaphragmatic breathing.
  3. Hold for a count of four.
  4. Breathe out through your nose for a count of four. Your belly button should be coming in your body, towards your spine, when you do it.

Deep breathing is also distracting you from that negative thought in your mind. It helps you calm yourself and reach the parasympathetic state. Parasympathetic or relaxation state is where you want to get an erection. Also, in that state, you’ll be calmer, have more blood flow, and easily get an erection.

Visualization and Mental Rehearsal

Visualizing yourself successfully performing a task or activity can help build confidence and reduce anxiety. Practice mentally rehearsing your performance in detail, focusing on how you want to feel, think, and behave during the event.

Therefore, by doing this, you’ll be more prepared, you build more confidence, and you reduce your performance anxiety. I’m also a big proponent of Brooke Castillo coaching. Its a modeling of how given a set of circumstances you get certain results. By understanding and using the model, you can solve any problem you face in your life.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

PMR is a technique that involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups to reduce physical tension and anxiety. It is almost like Kegel exercises.

I'm also a big proponent of men doing Kegel exercises. It is an exercise that you contract the muscles located between your scrotum and your rectum. They're the muscles that are responsible for contributing to part of your erection, orgasm and ejaculation.

Thus, practice PMR regularly to improve your ability to recognize and release tension in your body.

Exposure Therapy

Gradually exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking situations can help you build resilience and confidence over time. What this mean is have more sex. The more sex you have, the more confident you are gonna feel and your body will be more adaptive towards what it needs to do.

It's almost like use it or lose it. The more you do it, your body will adapt to it. You don't do it as much your body will not be used to it.

So, start with smaller, more manageable situations and work your way up as you become more comfortable.

Other Strategies to Manage and Overcome Performance Anxiety


In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage the symptoms of performance anxiety. I don't advocate that too much because those medications can actually exacerbate your ED. But if you need to, there are some anxiety medication that will help.

Also, remember to speak with your healthcare provider first to discuss whether medication is appropriate for your situation.

Support Networks

Connecting with others who understand your experiences with performance anxiety can provide invaluable support, encouragement, and practical advice.

Sune in to learn more about overcoming performance anxiety and living a more fulfilling life.ED and is hosted by me. ItsS main goal is to support each other to restore your sex life and to know that you can have sexual vitality for life.

Seek out support groups, online forums, or friends and family who can empathize with your struggles.

Final Thoughts

Overcoming performance anxiety is a journey that requires patience, persistence, and self-compassion. By exploring various strategies and treatments, you can find the approach that works best for you and learn to manage your anxiety more effectively.

Remember that you're not alone in your struggles, and seeking help from a mental health professional, support groups, or friends and family can make a significant difference in your journey.

Additional Resources

American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists

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